I Broke My Own Heart
by WillowRavenwood
Summary: Hermione Decides to leave the wizarding world, because she had PTSD, in hope to help herself overcome the things she has gone through, when it doesn't work and she continues to suffer she chooses the only way out she can see. She is found in the knick of time. By her knight in shining armor, or is he a wolf in sheeps clothing?
1. I Broke My Own Heart

Hello, I hope you all like this story, let me know, if there is anything you want me to explain or even just review if you like it and want me to continue. If you are going to flaming it, please at least leave in detail the reasons for you not liking it.

I do not own Harry Potter nor do I make money for this.

Herione Granger sat in the window seat on a muggle bus in some town she didn't know, the buildings held no form or hint of anything she had ever seen. That was a good thing. That is why she chose this place for her recovery. Nothing to set off her flash backs. Nothing to make her see the events of a war not one of the people in this tiny town in the middle of vast rolling hills knew anything about. A war far to violent and cruel for a young woman such as herself to have had to live through. A war she had no one to potect her from. A war that had scarred her mind far worse than the scars than run the length of her five foot four physical frame.

As she watched the building slow though the tiny drips of rain trickling down the window she sighed a breath of relief, maybe she could finally step past this. The heart crushing memories, that have turned into her darkest nightmares. Nightmares that have kept her up for so long she looked pale and sickly, from the sleep deprivation. At one point she had stayed up for so long that she had seen her, in her flat, standing right in front of her. Cackling like someone driven insane by years of inprisonment in Azkaban, but everyone knows Bellatrix, was far crazier before Azkaban. When she got the Hermione, she was a shell of her former self. Hermione shivered at thought, what if she had gotten to her before that. Hermione stopped herself. This place was for moving past this, forgetting about the wizarding world and moving on.

Hermione made her choice then and there she would no longer think about magic.

FLASHBACK

_ Hermione had to walked away from this, a tear rolled down her cheek as she took in her room. Her Weird Sisters poster on the wall above her dresser, The moving pictures on her walls of Harry, Ron, Ginny, Neville, Luna and the one of Seamus when her had blown up something. She would have chuckled had it not been for her current state of distress. She ran her hand over her purple bed spread matching the one her Aunt had gotten her, before she had earsed her parents memories, Merlin, what this world has taken from her. _

_ She walked out of her room and down the hall, running her hand along the wall. she stepped into her living room, running her hand over the chest she had taken with her to Hogwarts every year when she was younger. She Sat on her stiff couch and picked up the quill in her hand and begun writing to the only people she felt she had on abligation to say goodbye to._

_ As she wrote tears cascaded down her lovely face. With each letter a little more of her heart froze to the wizarding world, for the pain it just seems to continue to begin to her. Each word written with quiet precision. Her loopy hand writing never faultering. After each letter she would slip it into an envolpe and tuck away yet another piece of her broken heart. She would seal them and leave them lying on the table side by side, next to her copy of Hogwarts, A History. When she was finished she stood looking over everything one last time, no more tears feel down her face, now she was almost cold in her fluidity, she walked to the table. She pulled her wand out of her pocket. Feeling the weight of her 12 and 3/4 inch wnd, running her fingers over the walnut wood. slowly she brought both hands to it and broke the last piece of her heart herself. Snapping her wand in one graceful motion she laid it on the table on top of her copy of Hogwards, A History. Taking only a moment to look at the dragon heartstring ripped in half poking out of the center of her wand, she turned and walked out the dorr leaving everything she has known behind her. _

As hermione felt the bus pulled to a stop she stood out of her seat bringing with her one bag with all the money taken out of Gringots, and transfered into muggle money, the clothes she had bought and hygine supplies. Stepping off the bus her foot hit the ground for the first time in this tiny little town and for the first time in since she firgot her Hogwarts letter she felt entirely normal. This was the best choice she had ever made.

Hermione checked into a motel, for the night. Tomorrow she would go out in search of a house, and a job for now she just felt the need to sleep it off, and be away from the world for a few hours. That is if she could sleep.

_ Hermione was standing next to the black lake. She couldn't help, but think how she had found herself here. All around her she could here the screams of her peers and the Order members, she felt a rush of panic surge through her. Where was Harry, Ron? Where was anyone one really, she turned to run toward the screaming and she hit an invisible wall. She couldn't get through it no matter how many spells she through at it. _

_ Then she heard it. That unmistakable Cackle. Sending chills down her spine, she felt as though she had been thrown into a bath of cold water._

_ " Looky, looooookyyyy, what I have found! Out here all on her own. No one to save you now, flithy mudblood. " Bellatrix sang out. _

_ Hermione was trembling with fear. Her hands sweating and she reached for her wand, but it wasn't there. A memory flashed, herself breaking a wand that wasn't her own... It was longer and darker than her own vinewood wand. None of this made any sense. A loud crack brought her attention back to her current moment. _

_ " Is the little mudblood scared? " Hermione nodded just slightly. " Good, you should be, you made me look like a fol, and now no one is here to save you and I am going to take my time with you. " Bellatrix spat._

_ Hemione felt the unmistake surge of pain brust like a water balloon through her body as Bellatrix point her want at her. The Curciatus Curse, it was like a million tiny flames licking your from the inside out. Flaming brust though her body, as she crumbled to the ground, a cry tore from her throat. _

_ Suddenly as it came it stopped, Hermione curled into herself shaking, knowing she would die, but death could not come soon enough. She raised her eyes, and he was there. Paic witten clearly acrossed his face, sweat at his brow, he looked paler than usual. Standing just behind Bellatrix, staring at her. She knew he would do nothing. He never did, He was a coward, but than again at this moment she was too. Thoughts raced through her head, did they do this to him too? Is that why he was always suck a prat? Then Agagin the pain begin, as Bellatrix advanced upon her. _

_ Bellatrix was right over her now, grabbing her arn taking out that Merlin forsaken knife. Diging it into her skin, this time though it hurt worse, because there was a scar already there. The blood, dripped off her arm falling to the ground, red just as the blood that would fall from them, at that moment she hated them, but she was far to terrified to say so..._

Hermmione awoke cradling her arm, she was sobbing losing her mind, how could she ever do this. She wasn't strong enough, Merlin help her she was not strong enough for this, that is when she made up her mind, she would end it all. She would end it all.

Hermione walked into the bathroom and filled the tub leaving the light off, she undressed, slipping into the scolding water, she chuckled to herself, at least it wasn't as bad as the Curciatus. Sdhe lifting the razor, running it diagonally across her left wrist, and repeating with the other. Suddenly she heard the dorr blown in and foot steps through the room. The light flipped on and before her stood the same panic filled face that haunted her dreams. Before she blacked out she felt magic flowing over her, her very blood flowing back into her veins and the cuts healing themselves. She knew she hadn't succeeded. Oh well, there is always tomorrow right?


	2. The Truth Behind Grey Eyes

Draco sat at his his oak desk. Staring out the window over top of it. His father used to yell at him about having the desk in front on the window saying that is why he could never get the top grades in school, because he was to distracted by what was going on outside, but Draco never cared much for what his father had to say. So he left it, honestly it was the only disobdience allowed in his house. It was never a home. Draco had seen a home, and as much as he hated it, he had to admit, he didn't have everything he ever wanted. All he ever really wanted was his father's appoval and love. He had long since given up on such things.

Now as he was seated here, he received his Daily Prophet. Reading the cover story his heart stopped. The one reason he had switched sides, after Tom Riddle had died, was now missing. The head line read " Brains of the Golden Trio, Missing ". He skimmed over it, picking up a line or two here and there, but the one that caught his eye was " Letters to several people left, next to her prized Hogwarts, A History, with her ward on on top of it, snapped clean in half. " Draco jumped up out of his chair and all but ran the his booked case. Grabbing his spell book he flipped through it in search of the one spell he knew would help him find her. A little spell Spane had taught him is 6th year to keep from getting caught, and one to know where Albus was at all times.

Draco found the spell and cast it on himself, he then apparated straight to a dingy looking motel. He fet a tug at his mind feeling like something was very wrong, Sensing her was becoming more difficult which could only mean one thing. She was dying.

" Oh Merlin, Witch, what have you done? " Draco whispered

Running to a door he knew he had to be behind he blew it off it's hinges, running inside wand raised in case the where dark wizards about, he ran straight to the bathroom, flipping on the light. The sight that greeted him stole his very breath and broke his spirit. The only person he truly respected lay before in a bath with wrists slit blodd darkening the water. He sprung into action, repeating the healing spells Snape had using when Potter had used sectumsempra on him. He watch as the blood seperated from water and crawled back up her arms, and the wounds started healing.

He watched as the water cleared looking away from her, for her honor of course. As his panic ebbed away, he was suddenly very angry with her. What the bloody fuck was she thinking?

He reached up and grabbed a bath towel off the sink throwing is over her before he reached down and lifted her apparating back to his bedroom, laying her flat on his bed throwing a blanket over her, he left to clear his mind, before she woke and he gave her the riot act.

He went to his study, Should he write Potter. Hell no, he had to understand what she was thinking before he did anything He would wait until she woke then figure it out from there.

Draco couldn't imagine what in all of Hogwarts would make Hermione Bloody Granger do this, she was the most couragous person he had ever met. She was what got him through the war. That night at his manor, when she was tortured and she didn't give anything up, when she took the curciartus with determination and pose. When she had the guts to continue to look Bella in the eye and tell her nothing. At that moment his allince changed, and when Bella took that knife to her arm, that was the moment he knew blood purity meant nothing. Her blood was red just like his, Bright red staining the wood floor like rubies, that is when he realized blood was precious no matter who it spilt from. It was then he realized why Hermione Granger beat him at everything she did. She was better than him. She was an angel. A light in a world of darkness. She was his hero. Now he would be damned if he saw that light snuffed out now.

No she would stay here, and ride this out like the bloody Gryffindor she is. He would never admit it to even his own bloody grave, but he wished he had been sorted into Gryffindor, maybe then he would have stood a chance in standing up for himself against his father. Maybe that he would have never got the dark mark, or the scars on his back from his fathers cane that made him choose to get it in the first place.


	3. Finally Saved

Hey guys I am gonna need some reviews to see it you guys like this story. Because I haven't heard anything yet. it only takes a few moment of your time. Please rewview. just to let me know what your feelings on this story are.

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Draco Had finally cleared his head enough to figure out what to do. He went to check on Hermione, she laid in the same place she was when he left her, he walked in, pulled out a dreamless sleep draught and tipped it dow her throat. She should stay out for at least eight hours. That gave him enough time to do what he needed to.

Draco walked down the hall to one of the guest bedrooms. He had to make this place homey, for her. He wouldn't hold his breath about there not being a huge row about it, but he would make her see things his way, and by the end she would be staying here and she would heal here, in the very place he had done. Whether she liked it or not, she was not going to leave until he saw fit.

Draco looked around, and with a deep breath and begin. He first started with the bed. He transfigured it into a large four poster with charming deep blue bedding and a lace canopy that glowed with thousands of tiny stars when the lights were off. He transfigured the bedstand to a simply cherry wood table, placing his favorite muggle books on it. Charming a new radio he had bought for himself, he set is on the dresser and charmed a lapm and set in next to the bed. He removed everything from the closet and transfigured it into a smaller closet, apparating back to her motel room he took her things and placed the in the closet and dresser. Leavig the money in the bag, he pushed it under the bed. Going into the bathroom he transfigured the ceiling to volted and put roman beams through out. He charmed the bath to always be the prefect tempature, and placed her hygine products on the bathroom counter.

Draco walked back to his room, and pull out his copy of potions and ingredints and waited for the book shelf to move. He hadn't been in this room for 3 years, but he knew it was time to do this. With bated breath he walked up to the dusty glass case and removed the one thing he should have never had. Hermione's first wand, his father had taken it from her when they were caught, and Draco stole it, keeping it here for safe keeping until he grew the balls to give it to her. What better time than now.

He walked back to her room and placed it lightly on the bedside table, taking in his work, he sighed. He hoped it would be good enough for her. If not, fuck her... He had worked really hard on this.

" Merlin, I am in over my head. " Draco kicked himself.

He went back gently lifting Hermione out of his bed he carried her to his room, laying her down and covering her in the blakets. She looking far to pale against the blankets. She had deep dark circles under her eyes and she looked like she had skipped far to many meals. Honestly she looked sickly almost like she was dying i a hospital bed somewhere, how had her friends not seen this? How had they let it get this far? Oh, Merlin if he didn't control himself someday soon someone was going to die and it wouldn't be him. It would be one of the straw-for-brains friends of hers.

Draco walked out figuring he could get a few hours of sleep before he had to deal with the onslaught of confrontion he knew would be coming in the morning. As and after thought He walked back warding the windows and door so if she woke before he did he would know.

Draco all but tumbled into his bed, falling asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Dreaming of times long past, tossing and turning, sometimes crying out. but never the less he slept until he heard her screaming like someone was sawing her legs off with a rusty spoon, Merlin, she could killed someone with those screams, worse than a banshee.

Draco rolled out of bed and sprinted down the hall, throwing open her door, she was still in her bed tossing back and forth, body contorting as though her bones were breaking. Draco now knew why his mother was always damn near crying when she awoke him from a nightmare because he felt a tear trickle down his cheek as he watched her.

Draco now understood all of it, she had broken, finally after being brave for so long she had broken. Fallen to pieces and couldn't fix it. She had just slowly wasted away, losing herself to the fear and pain she felt. This realization only made him feel more fury toward she so called friends.

He walked over to the bed slowly. Calling out her name, knowing she was probably far to gone to hear him. He stood next to the bed not knowing what to do, should he touch her? Hell no, he know fron personal expirence that she had a mean right hook. So he settle for calling her name, begging her to come back to him.

" I don't know anything! I swear please... Please Let me gooooo. " Hermione cried out. Sobbing in her sleep.

Now Draco knew what he had to do. He had to change her dream. He had to save he like he hadn't when he was a cowardly child. Draco gently sat on the bed pulling her against his body, she fought, but he held firm.

"Hermione I am here, I am going to save you. I promise. " Draco casted the spell and entered her dream, standing there, staring between Bellatrix and Hermione.

_Hermione was sure she was going to die, really die. The pain was to intense , her body would fail. There was no way any one person could survive this kind of pain. She looked up at Bellatrix feeling her head explode with pain from the movement. She didn't let go though, Then there he was again, but this time it was different, this time he wasn't scared, no panic on his face. _

_ He stepped forward, Hermione screamed out knowing he would finish her this time, instead He stepped in front of her and spoke to Bellatrix. With the spell broke Hermione caught her breath. She couldn't hear him, her ears were still ringing. She could see Bellatrix sneer at him, could feel her power. Slowly her hearing came to her, and her head unclouded._

_ " Foolish boy, move out of the way, you know hat will happen if you don't." Bellatrix all but spat at Malfoy._

_ " Nope, not this time Bella, I am not a coward anymore, can hurt me here. I am not going to let you hurt Hermione anymore. Her blood is the same color as ours, she feels just as we do. This is wrong, go ahead Bella give me your worst, but I am not letting you hurt her again. " Malfoy seethed._

_ " You stupid Child, You should have listened to me. I will teach you a lesson. You will learn you place. " She screamed, pointing her wand and casting a spell Hermione didn't know. _

_ Malfoy flinched out of reaction more than anything, but he stood strong. turned from Bella and looked at Hermione. He held his hand out to her. Hermione took it without a second though. Malfoy helped her up and pulled her close, she felt the familiar pull at her navel and they apparated away. When Hermione opened her eyes..._

Hermione opened her eyes, feeling arms around her, hearing a steady rythem of breathe above her head. slowly she turned her head up, Grey met Brown, and Hermione's world feel apart and she crumbled into his chest, tears falling down her face. He pulled her closer, telling her it was all okay, he wasn't a coward anymore, that he would help her. That he would fix her. Put her right again. Promises Hermione wasn't sure he could keep those promises, but right now she didn't care, right now those promises sounded like heaven. Right now she just wanted to cry and be held, to cry and not be judged, to cry and to be told it was okay, that is was okay for her to break, and well Malfoy was doing just that. She would take it where from she could get it. She just needed to be weak for once.


	4. The Truce

Hermione had finally stopped crying. She still clung to malfoy like he was her only life line in a sea of never ending storms. She never thought this man capable of such comfort. Then again she didn't really know him at all. Suddenly she remembered herself. She was right now curled up in the lap of DRACO FUCKING MALFOY! The malfoy that sat back and watched her be tortured, who did nothing to save her.

Hermione jumped up off him as if he had burned her. Her eyes blazing with unfortold fury. If only she had a bloody wand, she would hex him until his brain melted out of his ears. She was shaking with wrath, ready to kill him if he so much as lifted a perfect manicured finger in her direction.

Staring at him she suddenly felt very sick, the energy in the place was far to familar to her. Looking around at the walls, the floor, windows and door she almost fainted. Almost, but she forced herself to stay calm.

" How the fuck could you bring me here, Malfoy. Here of all places. Want to see me fall apart so you can get your rocks off on the little mudbloods pain? " Hermione screeched.

" No I brought you here because I figured it would be the only place in the world Potter and Weasley wouldn't find you. Obviously, you don't feel like sharing with them, since you left them with nothing, but letters and a broken wand. " Malfoy stood, walking to the other side of the bed, picking something up. Running his fingers over it.

" I tried time and time again, to get this to you. Your watch dogs wouldn't let me get close to you. Once they ever hexed me into a dark alley in muggle London. I figured now is as good as any to give it back to you. Just please, please don't kill me with it. I have to much I have to take care of to die right now. " He walked over with his head hung low, hand extended.

Hermione saw a wand. Wait, that was her first wand. The one she had lost. She reach forward and took it. Her arm buzzed with power. She felt the magic flow through her, but it was more like her this time. It was her wand. Oh Merlin, here they come again.

Hermione dropped her wand and ran. Throwing the door open and running through the hallways like a mad woman. She could hear Malfoy chasing her. She ran toward the west side of the house and struck a wall, where the drawing room should have been, she remembered this place like the back of her hand. This is where it was, why isn't it here?

" I had it sealed up and turned into my current project. I have tpo tell you not to go in there, for your own... Well I guess for my own pride and fear of rejection. Please don't go in there. I won't stop you, if you do, but I am begging you to trust me when I say don't go in there. " Malfoy all but pleaded with her.

What was going on Malfoy never pleaded with anyone, what was he hiding? Hermione chanced it, she walked to the huge double doors. Caressing the handle for a moment taking a deep breath, she through them open and walked inside, what she saw made her heart stop. Her heart stopped so suddenly it hurt.

Draco pov

Draco held his hand on the wall he had built by hand. Bowing his head. Now he would have to explain everything. She would either demand he set her free, or she would kill him. He turned leaning on the wall. Wiating for the on coming screaming and curses, but they never came. Rolling one shoulder off the wall, he put on a mask off indifference and walked into the room he had created for her.

She was standing in the middle if the room, her feel planted staring at the walls. Her hands shaking slightly. Draco looked at the painting in front of her. It was his best he felt, the one that captured her very soul and showed her the way he saw her.

She turned to him. awe in her honey colored eyes. He stood there head bowed. Shame written across his face. He looked like a child ready to be scolded by a very furious mother.

" Care to explain this? " Hermione asked quietly.

" I... ummm... Well, Ah, Fuck it. " Draco stuttered. " The night you were here you changed me. I saw you for what you were. Better than me. In everyway. As I watched you being tortured you bled the same as I would have. You didn't break though. I would have. I would have cracked the first curcio cast. I would have given it all up. You were so strong and brave and courageous. I felt like a lowly commoner in your presence. So that night I vowed when Potter killed the dark lord, I would make it all up to you. I would show you how much you changed me. I learned to build and paint. I did all this by hand, one to prove to myself I could and understand better the lives of muggles, and two to one day show the rest of my family generations from how amazingly better you are than any of us."

Her mione turned back to the painting. It was the night she was tortured. The sceme was dark, everything darkened like the color of night. Everything save for her, she had a halo of light around her. Bellatrixs wand pointed at her. Hermione's face twisted in pain. Her eyes boring into Bellatrix's. Draco Kneeled in the background head bowed hands behind himself. Prisoner of war, Hermione thought. A tear rolled down her face.

" Draco, this is the most asounding painting I have ever seen. " Hermione breathed.

" It is nothing compared to the truth of what happened that night. I saw that night that nothing mattered, not my house, my family, not myself. Not if we couldn't stand up and do something abut someone so strong being tortured in front of us. We did nothing. Not a fucking thing. We don't deserve to bewalkig free, not when so obviously you are chained in your mind to that night. You aren't free. We don't deserve to be free. " Draco's voice was shaking with unshed tears. He felt shamed. He felt dirty. Unworthy of the look of compassion Hermione was giving him.

Hermione finally understood Draco. She understood he just just a boy, stuck in a war, in a family on the wrong side. He had no where to turn, and no one to help him. Everyone saw him as the enemy, so even if he wanted to change sides, it would have been impossible. Hermione hadn't just been fighting fo Muggle borns, she had always fought for the being who had no power of their own. House elves, magical creatures, but she never thought to look at her peers stuck in a world they had no way out of. This was as much her fault as it was his. It was time for this fued to end. It was time to call a truce. She knew this could blow up in her face, but she had to do the right thing.

" Draco, I think it is time to end this. No more shame, guilt or pain. It is time for healing. This is as much my fault as it is yours. I didn't take the time to think about you and what it must have been like for you. I forgive you Draco Malfoy. Do you forgive me? " Extending her hand, she was ready to let go.

Draco stared at her as though she had grow an extra head that breathed fire. He couldn't believe what she had just said. For the first time he was the one that fell to his knees. Tears fell down his face as sobs wrecked his body. Never had anyone asked him for forgiveness for something they had done, let alone something they had never done. That wasn't why he was crying, though. She had forgiven him. He vaguely registered he was sobbing I am sorry, over and over.

Then he felt thin arms engulf his shoulders, heard her voice in his ear. felt her hand smoothing his hair and all at once the world had turned on its axle and the world had at once righted itself.

Draco kneeled there for Merlin knows how long before all the tears had dried, and when he raised his eyes to hers, she wasn't looking at him, but over his shoulder. He turned his head and saw his mother standing there. Tears framed her eloquent face, a small smile the only way to know what she was feeling. She was taking in not only her son, but also the room he had created. The room where so many nightmares had been created was now a beautiful dedication to a war hero and her friends, a room of forgiveness and new beginnings.

Narsissa strode gracfully into the room falling before her son she wrapped her arms around him and Hermione both, sealing the pact with an embrace. The final step to healing.


End file.
